The Way Back to Erin Read online

  Over the course of the following hour, she attempted to lose herself in the details of preparing a lemon meringue pie—a dessert she chose because she knew its complexity would require her to concentrate on the creation...and also because she knew Burke liked it.

  Once she had the meringue in the oven, she decided to take a break and check on Kitt...secretly hoping she’d run into Burke when she did. Her idea was rewarded when she found the two of them in the downstairs library.

  Guests often gravitated to this room after dinner. It was paneled in cherry wood, and the furniture and decorations were all antiques. There was an extensive book collection lining the built-in shelves, including a few sacred titles that were published as far back as 1801, though Aunt Lenora kept those in a locked cabinet with a glass front. The room was cozy, even though it was rather masculine, and it was one of Kitt’s favorite spots, provided there were no guests about.

  It was only Burke and Kitt there at the moment, and Erin’s heart caught at the sight of them, bent together over a book. Burke was talking to Kitt in a low voice, its gentle timbre soothing her spirit. Now wasn’t the time to ask about his conversation with Tessa. She lingered in the doorway as long as she dared, marveling at the sight of Burke and her son before she eased out of the room and returned to the kitchen.

  There was no other opportunity to talk to Burke until dinner, and she wasn’t going to bring up Tessa in front of Aunt Lenora, much less Kitt. It wasn’t really any of Erin’s business anyway. But she was itching to know how things had gone. Was Burke leaving because he and Tessa were getting back together? She managed to keep her mouth shut during the meal and when she and Burke were alone finishing up the dishes.

  Burke had been quiet throughout dinner—except to comment on how much he enjoyed the lemon meringue—and had remained so even now as they stood side by side at the kitchen sink.

  She didn’t sense any unhappiness from him, just a subdued thoughtfulness. And as much as she wanted to know what Tessa had said, she rather enjoyed the comfortable quiet between them. It was one of the things she had appreciated most about their friendship when they were younger—they could just sit together, sometimes for hours, and never utter a word. It made her feel safe, somehow, and settled, as though she was so obviously a part of Burke’s life that he could just be when he was around her, without the need to fill the gaps in conversation.

  So she savored the silence and didn’t approach Burke until later that night, after the dinner dishes had been washed, loaded in the dishwasher and she’d finished up the last of the breakfast prep for the morning. Only then did she check on Kitt, making sure he’d bathed and brushed his teeth and was curled up with a book, and then she headed outside, drawn by the light of the back porch that told her Burke was probably outside looking up at the stars.

  She stepped onto the veranda and nearly gasped at how much the temperature had dropped since the sun had gone down. It was downright chilly for a June evening. A quick scan of the backyard, illuminated by the porch lights, showed Burke spread out on the lawn, hands behind his head, staring up at the stars.

  She stepped back into the house long enough to grab a lightweight blanket from the mudroom closet and then headed down the steps. She tossed the blanket to Burke as she sat beside him. “It’s kind of chilly tonight.”

  He didn’t reply, but he took the blanket and sat up to spread it across his torso, making sure it stretched enough to cover part of her lap, too. The gesture warmed her more than the blanket did.

  She looked up at the night sky, still hesitating to speak. Burke nudged her.

  “If you’re cold, you can lie down beside me.”

  She wasn’t quite that cold, but the invitation was too tempting. Burke stretched his arm out, and Erin lay back, using it as a headrest. He drew her in closer, and without meaning to, she released a sigh. Burke radiated warmth, which was just as well since the ground beneath them was hard and cool.

  Perhaps their posture was too intimate, but at the moment, she didn’t much care. Besides, she had too many other things on her mind, and she thought he likely had Tessa on his. This thought finally prompted her to speak up.

  “So...how did it go today? With Tessa?”

  She tried to keep her tone casual but knew she had failed miserably. Her body was tense with interest, and unless he thought it was because she was cold, Burke could surely feel her stiffness.

  He didn’t answer her immediately, and her tension only grew. He finally expelled a breath.

  “It was good. I think.”

  She furrowed her brow. “You think?”

  He shifted slightly, likely considering the question.

  “I don’t know. Tessa just wasn’t herself.”

  Erin’s heart was thumping out of time. “But you didn’t, um, get back together?”

  He jerked a little, moving to try to see her face. “No.”

  She experienced a wave of relief and was glad she wasn’t standing since his answer made her feel light-headed. In a good way.

  “Why would you think Tessa and I would be getting back together?” Burke asked.

  She tried to lift her shoulders in a shrug, but it was impossible from her position on the ground. “It’s just that you were really quiet at dinner, as if you had a lot on your mind.”

  “That doesn’t mean Tessa and I reconciled. Only that I have a lot to consider now.”

  Erin wanted to express her happiness, but at the same time, it felt wildly inappropriate. She shouldn’t be so thrilled that Tessa and Burke were finished. But she was. She couldn’t imagine why any woman would turn down Burke, but then, hadn’t she done the same when she was younger? Of course, she’d had a very good reason. Gavin. She assumed Tessa had her reasons, as well.

  “It couldn’t have been easy for her to come here.” Erin bit her lip, thinking how awkward she would have felt were she in Tessa’s position. It had been brave of her to seek Burke out, although Erin also felt Tessa owed him an explanation. “Did she say...why?”

  “Why she left me standing at the altar?” he supplied, seemingly not in the least disturbed by the inquiry. “No, not really. I think she came to offer her apologies in person. And to say goodbye.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  They fell into a comfortable silence once more. Erin closed her eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling the cool smell of the summer night, the fresh earthiness of the ground beneath them and Burke’s own spicy, woody scent. She grew drowsy and content until his earlier statement made her curious.

  “What did you mean when you said you have a lot to consider now?”

  Burke didn’t answer immediately, and she felt herself growing more rigid with each second that ticked by.

  “I guess it’s just that I had this entire future mapped out. Marry Tessa. Settle down. Restructure my career so I didn’t have to be away so much. Have a few kids,” he whispered. “That was what I was looking forward to most. Becoming a dad.”

  This came as a surprise to Erin.

  “I didn’t know you wanted kids,” she whispered.

  “Oh yeah,” he answered, his voice equally as soft. “Tessa and I talked about it all the time. She wanted a bunch of kids and so did I. I think that’s one thing that really helped us click—when we found out how much we both love children.”

  Erin felt the stirrings of jealousy once more. Even though his relationship with Tessa was finished, she couldn’t help but feel resentful of the other woman and the fact that she’d almost been the mother of Burke’s children.

  The emotion frightened her. She was becoming entirely too possessive of Burke. Emotions that she’d kept in check for years were rising to the surface. Burke was not hers. And she had no right to the jealousy she felt. But now that the danger had passed, just the thought of Burke being married to Tessa left a deep and hollow place in her stomach. She shuddered
.

  “You’re still cold?” Burke questioned and tugged her even closer so that her cheek now rested on his shoulder, her lips a mere inch from his jaw. He used his free arm, the one that didn’t hold her against him, to rearrange the blanket that covered him.

  Erin could have spoken up, told him she wasn’t really that cold, but her voice refused to speak the words. She felt a ripple of shame as she burrowed closer into Burke’s side but not guilty enough to pull back.

  Erin wasn’t sure how long they lay together like that. The night was peaceful, the sky clear, though she wasn’t looking at it. She would have had to turn her head away from Burke, and she was far too content resting her head on his shoulder, her arms pressed against his side.

  Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time had passed, she said, “I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll be all right,” he replied, his voice a soft rumble in her ear. “I’m glad Tessa didn’t go through with it, if it’s not what she wanted.”

  “No, I don’t mean that. I mean, I do.” She forced herself to move, rolling over and shifting her arms beneath her so that she could lean on them as she looked down into Burke’s face. “I mean, yes, I’m sorry about you and Tessa. But more than that...I’m sorry for the way things happened between us, fifteen years ago.”

  His eyes widened, and even in the dusky light, the blue in them was bright and clear. He watched her intently, hanging on her every word. It nearly made her blush.

  “When Gavin came back from his army training and asked me to marry him, I couldn’t say no.”

  “You loved him,” Burke stated, his voice low and sad with finality.

  “I did,” Erin agreed, “I loved him very much. But that’s not to say that I didn’t love you, too.”

  “Just not as much,” Burke said, and she could see that he was misinterpreting what she was trying to tell him.

  “Not less,” she said. “Just differently. Gavin had been my world for a year already at that point. I never expected for you and I to become as close as we did while he was gone. If I had known how things would happen, I probably wouldn’t have hung out with you at all during those months he was away. But I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.”

  Now the color in his eyes darkened to match the night sky, the blue deep and fathomless. She stared into them, feeling herself fall.

  “Erin,” he said her name, the sound of it rough and yet gentle on his tongue. Her eyes closed, and she leaned lower.

  There was a part of her that resisted, crying out in protest that she had to pull back before it was too late, but the greater part urged her on. And she felt Burke arch his neck to meet her, their lips brushing softly at first and then fiercely.

  Fifteen years of curiosity and longing finally found its way to the surface, and the next thing Erin knew, Burke was sitting up and sweeping her into his arms. Perhaps to be sure she couldn’t pull back. Not that she had any intention of doing so. Burke cradled her so that she could push back at any moment but tightly enough that she knew he didn’t want to stop kissing her. She had never felt so secure, so protected...not even with Gavin.

  The thought of her deceased husband caused her to hesitate, and she pulled her lips from Burke’s briefly. She met his eyes and felt a shock of pleasure at how he was looking at her right now. She licked her lips, swollen and bruised from Burke’s attention, the taste of him lingering in her mouth. And then she pressed her mouth to his once more, abandoning all sense of what was appropriate.

  She wanted him to hold her, she wanted to remember what it was to be cherished. And Burke filled that need, running a hand along her back as they kissed until they were both out of breath.

  When they finally broke apart, he placed his palm on her cheek. “Don’t freak out on me.”

  She allowed him a small smile. “I’m not freaking out.”

  His shoulders sagged in relief. “Good.”

  To show him she meant it, she burrowed into his side once more, and when his arm came around her, she moved to press a kiss onto his jaw. Erin didn’t know how long they sat like that, silent but content as they held each other and watched the stars twinkle and shine.

  * * *

  ERIN COULDN’T STOP SMILING. She knew the book club ladies probably wondered about her cheery disposition. If only they knew that it had nothing to do with the beautiful summer morning and everything to do with Burke’s kiss the night before.

  She bit her lip as she remembered, nudging away the ripple of guilt that accompanied the memory. She would not feel badly about it, she’d decided in the wee hours of the morning. Besides, she’d promised Burke she wouldn’t “freak out.” And she wouldn’t. There was nothing wrong with kissing Burke. Not really. And besides, he was an even better kisser now than he had been when they were eighteen.

  “Is everything all right, dear?”

  Erin realized she’d been grinning at the pot of tea she held in her hand for far too long. She’d already refilled each of the china teacups for the book club attendees and only had dregs left in the pot.

  “Everything’s fine, Mrs. Cleary. Would you like me to brew another pot of tea?”

  “In a bit. First let’s finish our discussion on the motives behind Gerald leaving Sophia.”

  Erin finished distributing shortbread cookies around the table and resumed her seat. It wasn’t necessary for her to sit in on the book discussion, but it seemed to tickle Mrs. Cleary and her friends when she did. And if it meant they’d continue visiting the inn each month, it seemed a small price to pay in the greater scheme of a paying gig.

  She grabbed a nearby copy of Love’s Light and perused the cover. Each member of the group was allowed to choose a book on a rotating schedule. This month’s selection had been made by Mrs. Huber. It was a Regency romance featuring a rakish-looking hero and a swooning damsel in distress. Erin flipped through a few pages and found herself engrossed by several passages.

  When was the last time she’d picked up a book and read for pleasure? It felt like years. She missed that kind of little luxury. Before Kitt was born, when Gavin had been deployed, she read books voraciously. Now, though, she couldn’t even remember the last title she’d finished. She began reading through the first chapter as she let the conversation concerning Gerald and Sophia flow around her. It wasn’t until she’d reached the end of chapter two that Mrs. Cleary cleared her throat, and Erin realized the room had gone silent. She placed the book aside.

  “Sorry, what was that?”

  The little old ladies exchanged a glance, and Erin felt a ripple of uneasiness. Were they getting ready to tell her they’d decided to meet elsewhere for their book club? She hoped not. They were the perfect guests, and even if the income from their monthly book club was small, at least it was consistent.

  “Well, dear, as we said, we don’t want to pry...”

  Erin put the book down.

  “Pry about what?”

  They each exchanged a look again, and Erin swallowed. “About your brother-in-law. Burke. It’s only that we heard what happened, at the wedding, and how he’s come to live here at the inn.”

  “It’s only temporary,” Erin declared, inwardly cringing at the defensiveness in her tone. “He sold his boat. Before the wedding. He was going to move in with Tessa, but obviously that’s not happening. So he’s just here until he figures things out.”

  She bit her lip to force herself to stop talking. The more she said, the closer the group leaned in.

  “We haven’t seen him about,” Mrs. Johnson commented, rolling her eyes around the room as if expecting Burke to be hiding behind the china cabinet.

  “Um, well, he’s often busy doing repairs around the inn.” She picked up the paperback again, hoping they’d take the hint to drop the subject. “Tell me about this Captain Harris. Is he really Sophia’s long-lost brother?”

  “Not by a long stretch,” Mr
s. Dennis put in, but apparently not to be deterred, “I can’t imagine it’s easy having him around.”

  “Who? Captain Harris?”

  The old ladies chuckled.

  “No, dear,” Mrs. Whitaker corrected. “We meant Burke. Having a man in the house again, after Gavin...” She trailed off.

  Erin felt herself stiffen. “Gavin was gone so much of the time, due to the army, that I never really thought about it.”

  The ladies clucked their tongues in sympathy.

  “He was such a selfless, charming man.”

  Erin said nothing. She had heard this sort of remark many times over the last couple of years.

  Gavin had been beloved in this town and rightfully so. But sometimes, she secretly had to admit that she grew slightly weary of hearing others sing his praises. She’d loved Gavin, body and soul. But he’d been human, just like any other man. He had habits that annoyed her. They’d argued, especially about how much time he spent away from home. He wasn’t perfect and neither was she, and their marriage had been filled with the same challenges any other couple faced.

  But she nodded politely and smiled vacantly as the ladies sighed their sympathies.

  “And how is Kitt?” Mrs. Whitaker asked.

  Erin relaxed but only marginally. Kitt was a safer subject, but given how much he’d turned inward since his father’s death, even he wasn’t her first choice of topic.

  “He’s all right,” she answered warily.

  “And how does he feel about having his uncle here?” This, from Mrs. Cleary.

  Erin frowned, starting to get the vibe that this was an inquisition. “They get along fine,” she replied and decided to leave it at that. She knew the old ladies meant well, but she wasn’t comfortable offering up the details of her life for gossip fodder.

  “And you?”

  Erin felt a flutter of discomfort. “Me?”

  “How do you feel about Burke being here?”

  Erin pushed back her chair and stood. “I—I think I’ll just check on the...mmm...tea. I’ll brew you another pot.”